'We've' Got The Power

Dear Miss Jane,
Although you have doubled and tripled the payments of your electric bill, we here at The WDC (We Don’t Care) Power Company must maintain the blackout of service in your area. Service is no longer being provided to area 51 because the number of individuals seen running and screaming ‘my eyes, my eyes’ after viewing your artwork has decreased exponentially. That being the case Miss Jane, until further notice, we at the WDC have determined that we will continue to collect your money while maintaining the total lack of any and all electrical service to you. If you have any further questions we have an 800 number playing music from the 1600's where no one will ever answer the phone because WDC. Please call 2-800-55555-55555-55555. Thank you. The Power Company

Jane announces world tour - world moves!

A Message From Jane
As you can see from my recent posts, I have become a little less pessimistic and have begun to have a little fun. I really should be flattered that what started as a petition - not to buy my art - has now become a world wide movement. That’s why I am announcing a world tour where I will visit every country in the world like Dallas, Arkansas, Las Vegas, and New York. I will look under every rock and peek behind every tree. I will seek the counsel of today’s artists who are on the same level as Monet, Degas, Renior and of course Van Gogh. I will wait until they have just sat down to eat a delicious meal or are totally exhausted from selling THEIR paintings. Catching them off guard I will ask them this one burning question. ‘Why won’t anyone buy my art?’ I have already begun to write everything down in a book. Volume I is entitled Just Plain ‘Jane’ - WHY WON’T ANYONE BUY MY ART? Volume II is entitled Just Plain ‘Jane’ - WHY WON’T ANYONE BUY MY BOOK? If you think that you would like to buy a copy please email me. Thank you. Jane

"Who ARE You?"

He walked over to the canvas where I was painting and with a raspy voice almost like a whisper he said ‘You know, if you mix blue and yellow together you get green. And if you mix red and blue together you get violet. If you follow these simple tips maybe people won’t think your paintings are so awful.’ ‘Wow!’ I said amazed. ‘How do you know so much?’ ‘I just know things.’ he said. And with that he turned to go back out of the same window he came in. I was really diggin' the whole cape, mask with pointy ears and boots thing - because I also like to wear basic black. ‘Just who ARE you?’ I asked. And with that he threw a disintegration tablet at my painting. As both he and the painting disappeared into the night air he said in that raspy voice 'I’m Batman’.

8x10 Beach Scene oil on canvas panel $100.00 or best offer

Et Tu Ma ma'?

Please Return To Sender
Dear 'Little' Jane,
How many times do I have to tell you that as long as you keep sending these paintings to my house, no one named 'Mommy', 'Big Ma' or 'Big Miss Jane' lives at this address. How many times do I have to tell you that I am tired of the barking and having to put food and water in the dog bowl and sit it in the backyard because your father, Mr. Jane, refuses to come in the house ‘until I remove those paintings’. So I am returning this package to you because I have moved and there is NO FORWARDING ADDRESS. Love, hugs and kisses to you sweet pea signed, New Occupant

This 5x7 abstract 'apples and waterdrops' is $100.00 or best offer

From the CDC: 10 Reasons You Should Buy My Artwork

The CDC - Center of Disease Control did a study and published these 10 reasons you should buy my artwork:
1. vermin and insects seen fleeing from homes where artwork is placed
2. couch potatoes motivated to go for long, long walks - resulting in the loss of 10-20 pounds where artwork is placed
3. unattractive mates look more and more attractive while standing next to artwork where artwork is placed
4. did I mention that vermin and insects seen fleeing from homes where artwork is placed?
5. people unemployed for decades because ‘their ain’t no jobs’ go out and FIND jobs where artwork is placed
6. grown children who won’t move out because they are ‘trying to find themselves’ suddenly 'find themselves' and move out where artwork is placed
7. mean ‘know it all' in-laws admit ‘you really DO know what is best my love’ and cut their visit short where artwork is placed
8. again, did I mention that vermin and insects are seen fleeing from homes where artwork is placed?
9. crime decreases in the entire city and outlying suburbs where artwork is placed
and finally,
10. ONLY 'true' friends will continue to visit your home where artwork is placed

From A 'Real' Prince? - For thy brain to enter here you must read what came before -

My Dearest Jane,
At one time thou were the fairest in the land,
with paint of brush in thine delicate hand,
and tho’ thou named them ‘doom’ and ‘gloom’ -
and ‘murk of turp’ was in thine spoon -
for sure I thought thee told a lie -
that ‘ideas on thine canvas die’ -
and now I must have change of heart -
and from thee now I must depart -
I remove these items from my shopping cart
now that mine eyes have seen thine art!
Sincerely Prince Charming

Ballerina Tying Her Hair 5x7 oil on canvas panel $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping and handling or best offer

Actual Art Supplies - Won't You Give?

As you can see from my paintings I am sincerely trying to be an artist. If everyone who reads this blog gave JUST ONE DOLLAR I would have 5 to 7 dollars. If you got together and each gave .50 I would have 2.50 to 3 almost 4 dollars. If you suspect that I may be doing something else with this kind of money other than buying art supplies (vacations or eating out at restaurants) you can contact me and say that you would rather donate the actual supplies. Thank you, Jane

#9 At The Auditions For American Idol

Randy: Dude, this is just awful dude. Just awful!
Paula: Well at least you got some paint ON the canvas. Good job!
Simon: For once I'm absolutely the most speechless I've ever been. Randy are you going to buy any of her artwork?
Randy: Sorry dude it’s a ‘no’ for me. Paula?
Paula: Sorry sweetie, I’m afraid I’m going to have to pass too.
Simon: It's three no's. Off you go! Security!!
Peach! 5x7 oil on canvas panel. $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping and handling or best offer.

#8 Transcript From The Dr. Phil Show

Dr. Phil: Jane, I have seen your artwork and quite frankly I agree with you 100 percent. In this case you ARE paranoid and yes, they ARE out to get you. As you know I’m an old country boy and I don’t like to mince words. I like to put some barbeque sauce on it and tell it like it 'T-I-S . . . tis' and quite frankly I think your work stinks - I think that you are deluded (begins pounding his fist) and personally responsible for much of the unhappiness in the homes of those who have your artwork hangin’ on their walls! (audience applauds) There is a facility that Robin and I both think that you need to go to. It’s in Dallas, Texas and people are here to take you there immediately. . . (producer gestures from backstage) . . . Uh, actually there is no facility . . . but there are people here who would like for you to GO immediately. (audience stands and applauds) Will you go? Will you just GO?
5x7 oil on canvas panel 'ballerina with blue bow' $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping and handling or best offer.

#7 Letter and Paintings opened, shredded and marked 'return to sender'

Dear Miss Jane,
Once again we have received your request and viewed your paintings. And quite frankly we find the whole thing a bit disturbing. So #1. NO we will NOT put you on speed dial so that everyone’s ONE PHONE CALL will automatically be directed to you. #2. NO you can NOT drive a police car with the sirens on so that you can quickly get to potential customers. #3. NO we will NOT arrest anyone who refuses to ‘close the deal’ and take one of your paintings home with them. Miss Jane, as this is your 100th letter we sincerely invite you never to write to us about this matter again. Now, if you have a REAL EMERGENCY Miss Jane, please continuously dial this number 5555-5555-5555555. Sincerely, THE POLICE
This is the one that got away. Much more charming in person. 5x7 oil on canvas panel "Ballerina Slipper" $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping or best offer.

#6 Sorry Ms. Winfrey - Letter opened, shredded and marked 'return to sender'

Dear Ochre Winfrey,

I really admire what you have been doing with that little talk show of yours. I know that I told you that it would never work but - my bad. I have been trying to sell my artwork for as long as your show has been on the air. Maybe one day just a little of your success will rub off on me. In the meantime Ochre, do you think that you could put some money together with some of your ‘highfalutin’ friends and buy one of my paintings?

Sincerely, Jane

This 5x7 oil on canvas panel entitled 'still life with ballerina' is $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping and handling or best offer.

Painting #5 Letter From Vincent

Dear Theo Van Gogh,
This is your brother Vincent Van Gogh. Why does everyone hate me? Why do they want to put me away when they see my paintings? And day after day - month after month - year after year - when they see me walking down the street in my yellow hat and purple suit why do they run away yelling and screaming?
And what’s up with you Theo? You suppose to be my brotha. You suppose to have my back. You know I ain’t got no money. You see me painting with sticks and twigs for paintbrushes. What’s up with that Theo? Anyway, I am enclosing this oil painting on canvas panel. It is 8x10 and the title is 'A Peaceful Landscape'. See if you can sell it for $100.00 or best offer. In the meantime you be cool Theo. I will write to you again soon. Love and hugs and kisses, your brother Vincent Van Gogh

Before Painting #5 Part 2

In looking at the maps I am now convinced that perhaps I have a hope and a prayer of one day selling a painting. One wonderful person got the ball rolling by donating $2.00 to the ‘Just Plain Jane’ fund. With that $2.00 of which I only get $1.65 (because paypal had to get their cut) with that $1.65 I will build my painting empire. I will prevail and rise to levels that you thought were impossible. With perseverance and tenacity I will see if I can persuade you to increase this fund until it reaches at least $5.00.
Thank you.

Now, dear friends, I am going to do something that many loving parents are very cautious about. I am going to introduce you to the kids. Don’t recoil in shock and frighten them and don’t let their appearance frighten you. Remember when I told you about my art supplies, my children, ‘doom and gloom’, ‘lette’s not’, ‘murky terpy’ and ‘canvas where good ideas go to die’ or ‘cwgigtd’ for short? Hush! As you can see, they are sleeping in the next post but starting tomorrow MAMA IT’S ON! Caution: sometimes the kids are cranky - so please don’t be discouraged if things don’t happen as quickly as you would like. Come back and check on us soon!

Actual Art Supplies - Won't You Give?

Before Painting #5

S E R I O U S L Y . . .
have you ever seen a 30x32 painting that SOLD for $15,000? (Jeff Legg on the left) I will sell you every painting I have ever painted in my LIFE for $14,999 (small sampling on the right)

Painting #4

This 5x7 painting is entitled ‘Tomato and Abstract’. You know, in the manner of Van Gogh I only believe in using money to buy - in order of importance - art supplies, food, a little more than substandard shelter and now - I am being forced to add clothes to this list. I have one suit that someone bought me about four or five years ago. At that time people would say to me ‘I love your blue suit!’ Now, four or five years later the same people say to me ‘I love your purple suit!’ - even though it’s the same suit! You see my dilemma!
Tomato Abstract 5x7 oil on canvas panel $100.00 or best offer.

Before Painting #4 Part 8

Please believe me - I truly appreciate the red dots that appeared on the map yesterday. This is very encouraging to me. It makes me want to continue to try to create paintings of beauty and integrity! That’s why I went to a well respected artist to ask her for some advice. She advised me to "paint what you know!’ She said ‘ Paint your life!’ Well, I think that this is excellent advice! So, since I spent a few days being health conscience (or conscious) I did an abstract painting similar to this one called ‘Oatmeal and Blueberries!’ and another one called ‘Antioxidants!’ And then there was 'Laxatives!' and 'Where's My High Blood Pressure Medication!' Somehow I don’t think that this is exactly what she had in mind. So back to the drawing board for now.

A moment of silence please . . .

Crash and Burn: I don’t know if I will ever sell on ebay again. I just don't know. I have been a member since March 2002. I just received a statement from them saying that from 2002 until today I have made $132.85 and because of their new ebay fee system I OWE them $265.70. It was a good run but now I think it's over. Jane, Jane, Jane

Before Painting #4 Part 7

Okay. I did receive some great momentum today. Some time ago I went to a site called ‘The Hot Link Zone’.

It is a link based search engine to the hottest deals, services and information. I posted my pictures on some of the great sites I discovered there.

At one site as you can see, over 4,000 people LOOKED at my pictures!

Of that 4,639 I got 3 positive comments and the rest said to. . .well let's just move on. . .

The Hot Link Zone informed me today that they support me 100%.

They gave me the honor of being the featured blog of the . . . http://www.thehotlinkzone.com/

Before Painting #4 Part 6

Have you ever seen a 12x10 ballerina oil painting that sold for $5,800? (left by Vasili Bratanyuk) If you do not believe me please follow the link.

I am only asking for $5,799 for mine (on the right) - or best offer!

http://www.greenhousegallery.com/

Before Painting #4 Part 5

So maybe you have asked yourself ‘What about her relatives?’ ‘Why don’t THEY buy her paintings?’ Well, I have one brother who blocks my emails, one sister who won’t answer the phone day or night when she sees my number on her caller ID, another sister who just keeps saying ‘who?... who?... who?’ when I say ‘this is Jane.’
I do have one sister though, who actually sent me a dollar deposit for this painting "Ballerina Tying Her Bow". But, for the past 6 months, whenever I call her to ask her for her new address so that I can mail it to her, she always says that she will give it to me ‘tomorrow’.

Before Painting #4 Part 4

Just a little side note: You may wonder ‘why am I numbering the paintings?’ Well, in a way, I have confidence that this blog will be about ‘the birth of an artist.’ Remember, the question is: ‘How many paintings will I post before someone, somewhere buys one?’ That number - that person - will be historic - for one moment time will stop - there will be a collective sigh of relief - and then everyone everywhere will ask themselves this one question: "aren’t there more important things for us to think about?" I will keep you ‘posted’. Meanwhile, this is the painting that is currently being rejected by everyone on ebay, etsy, yessy, artist rising and imagekind. Okay - message received. Very Jane Moment
Ballerina Toe Shoe $100.00 or best offer.

Before Painting #4 Part 3

Okay, does anyone else besides me name their art supplies? I paint with two brushes. One I call ‘doom’ and the other one I call ‘gloom’. My canvas is where ‘good ideas go to die’. My Pa-'lette' is called 'lett's not' and my turpentine is called ‘murky the terminator - the pure color killer’. These are some sketches that I did on canvas panel and quite frankly I’m a little afraid to paint them and mess them up. Don’t worry I will have many paintings available for your amusement. I would also like to thank the person from Spain who on this day became the first person to look at my blog showing that I am not alone. Jane has arrived!!

Before Painting #4 Part 2

Well, okay, it’s not as if I have never ever sold a painting. I have sold a FEW on ebay. I have one on there now - WITH NO BIDS. I am 'very jane' about this! (I will let you know if it sells.)
That's why I decided to add a map to this site so that we can see together if anyone . . . ever . . . at any time. . . visits this site. By the way, how in the world do you get minus visitors on that ebay counter? -25, -50, -100? I will be checking this map to see if the countries will also start disappearing - where's Alaska and Hawaii?

Before Painting #4

This is a true story. I used to be an art teacher. I taught a dentist, a pharmacist, a systems analyst, and others in the technology field (these are their finished masterpieces.) Until this day none of my former students will paint or go anywhere near a brush. One student moved rather than paint her apartment. Almost two years later, when I happened to see her at her office I asked her ‘have you painted anything lately’ and she said that she can only paint when she drinks wine and she vowed that she will never...ever...drink wine...again! If that wasn't a jane moment I don't know what is! More later . . .

Painting #3

This painting is temporarily back in surgery.

This is a 9x12 painting I did a few days ago entitled 'A Peaceful Scene'. As you will see I have several themes that I like to paint - The Ballet, Art Patrons, Serene Ocean Scenes and Peaceful Mountain Scenes - because I want you to have peace. I feel a little 'jane' about this painting but it does not make me feel as 'jane' as my other works.

Believe it or not I actually sold a painting of a peaceful scene. I will post it.

I might put this painting on Ebay. I will keep you posted about that.

Painting #2

You know, after looking at my paintings I often wondered why people would then turn and ‘look at me funny’. After several decades of meditation (not medication) I finally understood that look. It's like when people say to you ‘don’t quit your day job.’ Well people you should have just come out and said that! Now it's too late! I already quit my day job and that look doesn’t scare me! This painting is 5 x 7 and is part of my series entitled "The Painted Sketch". I would like $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping and handling or best offer.

Painting #1 The Prequel

I am thinking about contacting some artists whose works I admire to see if they will either 'block me' or visit my blog and leave me a word of encouragement. Their works are very beautiful. I once met an artist who painted the most beautiful still life paintings I had ever seen. After 30 minutes of complementing her she asked me 'are you an artist too?' and I said 'not any more after seeing your beautiful works.' Here are some artists whose works are very beautiful and mine are 'very jane'. Go ahead - abandon me and visit the blogs of Karin Jurick and Eugene Wang.

Painting #1

Okay! Here we go! Fasten your seatbelts it's going to be a bumpy ride! Here is my first painting that I just painted last night for this blog. It is 5x7 oil on canvas panel entitled "Ballerina with Pink TuTu". I was feeling very 'jane' about this painting. I thought isn't it amazing that many times individuals do not want to hear 'the truth?' But, as I looked at this painting I had to admit 'I'm not very good!' I thought perhaps this is not a bad thing to admit. It actually takes the pressure off of me to be 'very good' and just be me. This painting is actually much more charming in person. Stick with me - maybe the next painting will be better?? I would like $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping and handling or best offer.