Rose Is In The Garden

Little House On The Path

I'm off!! That is . . . to Paris!

Well, after a year of campaigning the four votes are in. So, here’s the story. Remember when I said that the IRS wanted to see me after the art show? Well, that’s when I decided to flee - I mean vacation - in Paris. Before I left for 'vacation' it was discovered that it was someone else who made a nice little profit when they took my name off of my paintings and put them on their paintings and they took their name off of their paintings and put them on my paintings. Well the IRS thought that it was either this guy (see photo #1 in previous post) or this guy (see photo #2 in previous post) or these guys (see photo #3 in previous post). After a thorough investigation they found out that it was #2. That's right - it was the precocious perpendicular puppy Pookie. Because of the magnitude of his crime, the government has decided to throw the bowl at him. They are going to prosecute the precocious perpendicular puppy Pookie to the fullest extent of the law. Although he told them that that were 'barking up the wrong tree' and he wouldn't 'sit', 'roll over' , or 'pee on the paper', they feel that Pookie was actually being controlled by. . . (all I can say at this point is - can the commenter's of the previous post testify as to their whereabouts?) . . . so, until the dust settles I’m off to Paris (Texas) to study with my friend Degas. . .

What do Rembrandt, a pooch named 'Pookie' and The Daily Painters have in common?

Can you answer this question? What do Rembrandt, a pooch named 'Pookie' and The Daily Painters have in common? Clues in the last two posts. Type in your guess. You may be right! The answer is coming soon!

Photo out of context Act 1

"My best advice for a young artist Timmy? Listen to your parents, pay attention in school, practice your artwork - even if it's just a little - every day - and especially watch out for Miss Jane. She will take her name off of her paintings and put them on your paintings and she will take your name off of your paintings and put them on her paintings."

Will The Real Miss Jane Please Stand Out . . .

Dear Miss Jane,

We heard that you were at an art show this weekend. We are dying to see what you look like. May we see a photograph of the event? Love, 'Your Fans', The IRS

Dear 'Fans',

Here it is! I am the one in the middle, way in the back. Love, Jane

Taken out of context . . . Act 3

Hi Jane,
I saw your paintings today, or better tonight, because I woke up at 2 O'clock in the morning and I read your blog. Are you ill? . . . Anyway . . . Lets go to the point. I studied Art in Vienna Austria In 1946. . . . I like your style colorful and strong. If you would accept me to give you a few ideas how to improve your art work, I would say that you should try to see from which side the light is coming, or if you have a front light, you place it on one side. . . . Your work is very good but I suggest that you learn some of the basics, like composition and illumination. Hoping that I did not offend you with my comment. Wishing you success and happiness. . .
Dear Malevich,
You almost had me there. I knew that it was you because your letters always remind me of ham sandwiches. I know that you want to help me despite our differences because of the ‘code of the artists’. So thank you and good looking out. Miss Jane

Taken out of context . . . Act 2

At the art show at Old MacDonald's Farm (see about three posts below starting with Malevich the Painting Pig):

Malevich: Hi Melanie! Hi Mary! Do you like my painting? What have you been doing lately? Did you guys catch my set over at the comedy club?

Taken Out of Context . . . Act 1

At the art show at Old MacDonald's Farm (see below):

Miss Jane: What do you think about my art Mary? Don't you think that I'm better than that ham Malevich?

Malevich and Mary: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Apples - Available!

Right in the middle of his art supplies is Malevich's (see below) sensitive, insightful and award winning painting entitled 'Apples . . . Not On My Watch!' It is 5x7 oil on canvas panel. The cost is $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping or best offer. (Honestly)

Malevich the Painting Pig . . .

Old MacDonald had a farm. And on that farm he had an art show. With an oink oink here and an oink oink there - here an oink - there an oink - everywhere an oink oink - Old MacDonald had a farm - and Malevich the Painting Pig was the winning artist of the day.
Reporter: Malevich, Miss Jane was thought to be serious competition for you. She was favored to win 1.5 to 1. Why do you think she was defeated here today? Malevich the Painting Pig: Well, after what she did to Sunset Sam the Painting Porpoise (see previous posts) she was banned from regular competition for 10 years. But having seen her artwork I knew that winning would be a piece of cake, pie, ice cream, cookies, candy, a milk shake, potato chips, french fries, doritoes . . . huh, what was the question?

Candy Barr is oh so sweet . . .

Dear Candy Barr,
You don't remember me but I knew you when you were just a little 'hershey’s kiss'. Now your work is admired all over the world! ‘Snickers’, ‘Three Musketeers’ and ‘Almond Joy’ are some of my favorites. All kidding aside, I definitely think that everyone should check out your wonderful art blog. Candy, since we go way back - do you think that you could get your rich cousins Potato Chipp, Cupp Cake, Soda Popp and ‘em to put some money together and buy one of my paintings? Stay as sweet as you are! Love and hugs and kisses to you, sweet pea, Miss Jane.
http://www.dailypainters.com/

From Sunset Sam the Painting Porpoise . . .

Dear People,
As you may have guessed I did not paint the picture attributed to me by Miss Jane (see her previous two posts). As a serious artist celebrated all over the world I am a little more cerebral than to name a painting ‘apple world’. Representing myself I took Miss Jane to court where I won the case. The verdict was the proceeds of the sale of her next 5 paintings. Suffice it to say I will never see any money. Because you can’t help but to like Miss Jane we have both agreed to squash this controversy. I have invited her over for sushi. She has yet to respond. Shame on you Miss Jane. . . shame on you! Here are MY actual paintings that HAVE SOLD. Sincerely Sunset Sam the Painting Porpoise
http://www.gettheloop.com/artshow/analysis.html
A message from Miss Jane: Dear friends, when Sunset Sam's agent called and invited me over for sushi I thought that she was talking about Sunset Sam and I don't roll like that! In the spirit of true artist brotherhood we DID have lunch and we settled all of our differences. So here's love and hugs and wet kisses to you - Sunset Sam. Sincerely Miss Jane

Apple World! Available!

Hey! Maybe that guy in the last post (Brit' and 'em) CAN paint better than me! This is just his second painting. I asked him what was the name of this painting and he said that this painting is an abstract entitled "Apple World". He said that it is 5x7 oil on canvas panel. The cost is $100 or best offer. If you are interested please leave a message in the comment box and I will email you for the details.

Partying with Brit' and 'em . . .

As stated above I have temporarily removed all paintings on this blog. (Update March 27: Please look under 'available' for new paintings) While my paintings are back in the shop for repairs I thought that I would share a typical ‘Miss Jane’ day with you: (Day begins after being out all night with Brit' and 'em) 12:00 pm Sadness: "Boo hoo hoo why won’t anyone buy my paintings!" 12:01 Fake Happiness: " Well at least I still have all of my paintings for myself!" 12:02 Phony Bravado: "They’re all jealous! No one has the guts to buy my paintings!" 12:03 Despair: "They’ll buy paintings from this guy (see photo) but they won’t buy paintings from me!" 12:04 Light at the end of the tunnel: "My bug guy says that he LOVES my paintings because he hasn’t seen any roaches since he put one on display in his shop!" 12:05 starts painting. 12:06 Brit and ‘em calls . . .12:00pm next day . . .whole cycle starts over . . . "Boo hoo hoo . . .
(inset: Sunset Sam the Painting Porpoise)

From the desk of 'THE Donald' . . .Olives! Available!

Dear Miss Jane,
Remember when I told you my idea for a show called ‘Let’s all be like Donnie’ and you said that you could not be an apprentice to the idea. As you know by now - no one EVER tells ‘the Donald’ that his ideas ‘would never work’. So as far as the show is concerned - YOU’RE FIRED - but I still expect you to be at my house for the barbeque on Sunday. We’re having martinis, buttery hot rolls, martinis, baby back ribs, macaroni and cheese, salad, martinis . . . and we’re still expecting you to bring the collard greens and yams. Luv and hugs and kisses to you but must know when to separate business from pleasure. . . THE Donald (Olives 5x7 oil on canvas panel $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping and handling or best offer) If you would like to make an offer leave me a message in the comment box and I will get in touch with you for the details.

Terminated!

Dear Arnold,
Remember when you told me that you wanted to do three movies about machines coming back from the future called - ‘Let’s Get Johnny’ - and I told you that you need to ‘terminate that idea because it would never work!’ Well, my bad. I am still trying to become an artist. Do you think that you and Maria could put some money together with Ted and ‘em and buy one of my paintings? Meanwhile, what’s up in sunny Cal? I’ll be out there for a visit soon so I’ll holla at you then. Love and hugs and kisses to you, Jane (Tomato Abstract 5x7 oil on canvas panel $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping and handling or best offer) If you would like to make an offer please leave me a message in the comment box and I will get in touch with you for the details.

Found in the letters of Edgar Degas in response to Miss Jane's letter below . . .

Dear Miss Jane,

First I was afraid I was petrified

Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side

But I spent a day and a night

thinking how you did me wrong I grew strong I learned how to carry on

Go on now go - walk out the door - just turn around now 'cause you're not welcome anymore

weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye

you think I'd crumble you think I'd lay down and die

Oh no, not I - I will survive as long as I know how to love

I know I will stay alive

I've got all my life to live I've got all my love to give

and I'll survive I will survive -
So Miss Jane - see ya
and I wouldn’t want to be ya! (I'll holla back at you soon!)Sincerely E to the D (5x7 ballerina oil on canvas panel ($100.00 plus $10.00 shipping and handling. If you would like to make an offer please leave a message in the comment box and I will get in touch with you.)

Dear Degas . . .

Dear Degas,
Even though we have had our ups and downs I know that you are totally in love with me. I have seen your paintings and I think that it is safe to say that you will never make it in this business. Shall I be your muse you say? Yes! Paint me again and again! I know that you shall never marry - that you will wander wistfully in your final days saying ‘Miss Jane, Miss Jane, where are you Miss Jane’ because you lost your puppy named 'Miss Jane'. Although you will never be a famous artist our love will live forever through your art. I know that whenever someone sees your beautiful paintings - of horses - they will think of me - Miss Jane. Love, hugs and kisses to you for a love that can never be - Sincerely, Jane Ballerina 8x10 oil on canvas panel $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping and handling or best offer. If you would like to make an offer please leave me a message in the comment box. Thank you.

A Living Doll?

Little Ballerina: Miss Jane, I heard that Mr. Degas was making little sculptures of us and he said that he would manufacture them and sell millions at the toy stores and the outlet malls. . . but you laughed and said that his idea would never work!!

Miss Jane: Grown folks business Barbie. I know for a fact that little girls everywhere would hate them and collectors would never go for the idea! Now, where's your mother sweetie? Ma Tel you better come get this little girl!!