Just Plain 'Jane'

It's been a while . . .

2009-01-14T20:12:00.000-08:00

Do You Like Tomato Red? Yes. I know that it has been a while since I have posted to this site. I am so excited to talk to you that I won't even stop to look up words I don't know in the 'diction-airy'. (I will write them by sound). Anyway you may think that I have been on a 'hi-eight-us' from painting. Actually I have been running (or ruining) several blogs. Just like an octopus I have 'tent-ankles' everywhere. In order to get my toe back in the water, here is a painting I have put on Ebay today.

Rose Is In The Garden

2008-07-20T10:45:00.000-07:00

Little House On The Path

2008-07-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

I'm off!! That is . . . to Paris!

2008-04-10T14:11:00.001-07:00

Well, after a year of campaigning the four votes are in. So, here’s the story. Remember when I said that the IRS wanted to see me after the art show? Well, that’s when I decided to flee - I mean vacation - in Paris. Before I left for 'vacation' it was discovered that it was someone else who made a nice little profit when they took my name off of my paintings and put them on their paintings and they took their name off of their paintings and put them on my paintings. Well the IRS thought that it was either this guy (see photo #1 in previous post) or this guy (see photo #2 in previous post) or these guys (see photo #3 in previous post). After a thorough investigation they found out that it was #2. That's right - it was the precocious perpendicular puppy Pookie. Because of the magnitude of his crime, the government has decided to throw the bowl at him. They are going to prosecute the precocious perpendicular puppy Pookie to the fullest extent of the law. Although he told them that that were 'barking up the wrong tree' and he wouldn't 'sit', 'roll over' , or 'pee on the paper', they feel that Pookie was actually being controlled by. . . (all I can say at this point is - can the commenter's of the previous post testify as to their whereabouts?) . . . so, until the dust settles I’m off to Paris (Texas) to study with my friend Degas. . .

What do Rembrandt, a pooch named 'Pookie' and The Daily Painters have in common?

2008-04-01T17:06:00.000-07:00

Can you answer this question? What do Rembrandt, a pooch named 'Pookie' and The Daily Painters have in common? Clues in the last two posts. Type in your guess. You may be right! The answer is coming soon!

Photo out of context Act 1

2008-04-01T15:09:00.000-07:00

"My best advice for a young artist Timmy? Listen to your parents, pay attention in school, practice your artwork - even if it's just a little - every day - and especially watch out for Miss Jane. She will take her name off of her paintings and put them on your paintings and she will take your name off of your paintings and put them on her paintings."

Will The Real Miss Jane Please Stand Out . . .

2008-03-30T09:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Miss Jane,

We heard that you were at an art show this weekend. We are dying to see what you look like. May we see a photograph of the event? Love, 'Your Fans', The IRS

Dear 'Fans',

Here it is! I am the one in the middle, way in the back. Love, Jane

Taken out of context . . . Act 3

2008-03-29T14:39:00.000-07:00

Hi Jane,
I saw your paintings today, or better tonight, because I woke up at 2 O'clock in the morning and I read your blog. Are you ill? . . . Anyway . . . Lets go to the point. I studied Art in Vienna Austria In 1946. . . . I like your style colorful and strong. If you would accept me to give you a few ideas how to improve your art work, I would say that you should try to see from which side the light is coming, or if you have a front light, you place it on one side. . . . Your work is very good but I suggest that you learn some of the basics, like composition and illumination. Hoping that I did not offend you with my comment. Wishing you success and happiness. . .
Dear Malevich,
You almost had me there. I knew that it was you because your letters always remind me of ham sandwiches. I know that you want to help me despite our differences because of the ‘code of the artists’. So thank you and good looking out. Miss Jane

Taken out of context . . . Act 2

2008-03-28T08:07:00.000-07:00

At the art show at Old MacDonald's Farm (see about three posts below starting with Malevich the Painting Pig):

Malevich: Hi Melanie! Hi Mary! Do you like my painting? What have you been doing lately? Did you guys catch my set over at the comedy club?

Taken Out of Context . . . Act 1

2008-03-28T07:45:00.000-07:00

At the art show at Old MacDonald's Farm (see below):

Miss Jane: What do you think about my art Mary? Don't you think that I'm better than that ham Malevich?

Malevich and Mary: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Apples - Available!

2008-03-27T09:27:00.000-07:00

Right in the middle of his art supplies is Malevich's (see below) sensitive, insightful and award winning painting entitled 'Apples . . . Not On My Watch!' It is 5x7 oil on canvas panel. The cost is $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping or best offer. (Honestly)

Malevich the Painting Pig . . .

2008-03-26T07:27:00.000-07:00

Old MacDonald had a farm. And on that farm he had an art show. With an oink oink here and an oink oink there - here an oink - there an oink - everywhere an oink oink - Old MacDonald had a farm - and Malevich the Painting Pig was the winning artist of the day.
Reporter: Malevich, Miss Jane was thought to be serious competition for you. She was favored to win 1.5 to 1. Why do you think she was defeated here today? Malevich the Painting Pig: Well, after what she did to Sunset Sam the Painting Porpoise (see previous posts) she was banned from regular competition for 10 years. But having seen her artwork I knew that winning would be a piece of cake, pie, ice cream, cookies, candy, a milk shake, potato chips, french fries, doritoes . . . huh, what was the question?

Candy Barr is oh so sweet . . .

2008-03-25T10:25:00.000-07:00

Dear Candy Barr,
You don't remember me but I knew you when you were just a little 'hershey’s kiss'. Now your work is admired all over the world! ‘Snickers’, ‘Three Musketeers’ and ‘Almond Joy’ are some of my favorites. All kidding aside, I definitely think that everyone should check out your wonderful art blog. Candy, since we go way back - do you think that you could get your rich cousins Potato Chipp, Cupp Cake, Soda Popp and ‘em to put some money together and buy one of my paintings? Stay as sweet as you are! Love and hugs and kisses to you, sweet pea, Miss Jane.
http://www.dailypainters.com/

From Sunset Sam the Painting Porpoise . . .

2008-03-25T08:34:00.000-07:00

Dear People,
As you may have guessed I did not paint the picture attributed to me by Miss Jane (see her previous two posts). As a serious artist celebrated all over the world I am a little more cerebral than to name a painting ‘apple world’. Representing myself I took Miss Jane to court where I won the case. The verdict was the proceeds of the sale of her next 5 paintings. Suffice it to say I will never see any money. Because you can’t help but to like Miss Jane we have both agreed to squash this controversy. I have invited her over for sushi. She has yet to respond. Shame on you Miss Jane. . . shame on you! Here are MY actual paintings that HAVE SOLD. Sincerely Sunset Sam the Painting Porpoise
http://www.gettheloop.com/artshow/analysis.html
A message from Miss Jane: Dear friends, when Sunset Sam's agent called and invited me over for sushi I thought that she was talking about Sunset Sam and I don't roll like that! In the spirit of true artist brotherhood we DID have lunch and we settled all of our differences. So here's love and hugs and wet kisses to you - Sunset Sam. Sincerely Miss Jane

Apple World! Available!

2008-03-24T18:40:00.000-07:00

Hey! Maybe that guy in the last post (Brit' and 'em) CAN paint better than me! This is just his second painting. I asked him what was the name of this painting and he said that this painting is an abstract entitled "Apple World". He said that it is 5x7 oil on canvas panel. The cost is $100 or best offer. If you are interested please leave a message in the comment box and I will email you for the details.

Partying with Brit' and 'em . . .

2008-03-24T11:00:00.000-07:00

As stated above I have temporarily removed all paintings on this blog. (Update March 27: Please look under 'available' for new paintings) While my paintings are back in the shop for repairs I thought that I would share a typical ‘Miss Jane’ day with you: (Day begins after being out all night with Brit' and 'em) 12:00 pm Sadness: "Boo hoo hoo why won’t anyone buy my paintings!" 12:01 Fake Happiness: " Well at least I still have all of my paintings for myself!" 12:02 Phony Bravado: "They’re all jealous! No one has the guts to buy my paintings!" 12:03 Despair: "They’ll buy paintings from this guy (see photo) but they won’t buy paintings from me!" 12:04 Light at the end of the tunnel: "My bug guy says that he LOVES my paintings because he hasn’t seen any roaches since he put one on display in his shop!" 12:05 starts painting. 12:06 Brit and ‘em calls . . .12:00pm next day . . .whole cycle starts over . . . "Boo hoo hoo . . .
(inset: Sunset Sam the Painting Porpoise)

From the desk of 'THE Donald' . . .Olives! Available!

2008-03-22T08:54:00.001-07:00

Dear Miss Jane,
Remember when I told you my idea for a show called ‘Let’s all be like Donnie’ and you said that you could not be an apprentice to the idea. As you know by now - no one EVER tells ‘the Donald’ that his ideas ‘would never work’. So as far as the show is concerned - YOU’RE FIRED - but I still expect you to be at my house for the barbeque on Sunday. We’re having martinis, buttery hot rolls, martinis, baby back ribs, macaroni and cheese, salad, martinis . . . and we’re still expecting you to bring the collard greens and yams. Luv and hugs and kisses to you but must know when to separate business from pleasure. . . THE Donald (Olives 5x7 oil on canvas panel $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping and handling or best offer) If you would like to make an offer leave me a message in the comment box and I will get in touch with you for the details.

Terminated!

2008-03-21T10:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Arnold,
Remember when you told me that you wanted to do three movies about machines coming back from the future called - ‘Let’s Get Johnny’ - and I told you that you need to ‘terminate that idea because it would never work!’ Well, my bad. I am still trying to become an artist. Do you think that you and Maria could put some money together with Ted and ‘em and buy one of my paintings? Meanwhile, what’s up in sunny Cal? I’ll be out there for a visit soon so I’ll holla at you then. Love and hugs and kisses to you, Jane (Tomato Abstract 5x7 oil on canvas panel $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping and handling or best offer) If you would like to make an offer please leave me a message in the comment box and I will get in touch with you for the details.

Found in the letters of Edgar Degas in response to Miss Jane's letter below . . .

2008-03-19T09:16:00.000-07:00

Dear Miss Jane,

First I was afraid I was petrified

Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side

But I spent a day and a night

thinking how you did me wrong I grew strong I learned how to carry on

Go on now go - walk out the door - just turn around now 'cause you're not welcome anymore

weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye

you think I'd crumble you think I'd lay down and die

Oh no, not I - I will survive as long as I know how to love

I know I will stay alive

I've got all my life to live I've got all my love to give

and I'll survive I will survive -
So Miss Jane - see ya
and I wouldn’t want to be ya! (I'll holla back at you soon!)Sincerely E to the D (5x7 ballerina oil on canvas panel ($100.00 plus $10.00 shipping and handling. If you would like to make an offer please leave a message in the comment box and I will get in touch with you.)

Dear Degas . . .

2008-03-18T08:11:00.000-07:00

Dear Degas,
Even though we have had our ups and downs I know that you are totally in love with me. I have seen your paintings and I think that it is safe to say that you will never make it in this business. Shall I be your muse you say? Yes! Paint me again and again! I know that you shall never marry - that you will wander wistfully in your final days saying ‘Miss Jane, Miss Jane, where are you Miss Jane’ because you lost your puppy named 'Miss Jane'. Although you will never be a famous artist our love will live forever through your art. I know that whenever someone sees your beautiful paintings - of horses - they will think of me - Miss Jane. Love, hugs and kisses to you for a love that can never be - Sincerely, Jane Ballerina 8x10 oil on canvas panel $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping and handling or best offer. If you would like to make an offer please leave me a message in the comment box. Thank you.

A Living Doll?

2008-03-17T09:25:00.000-07:00

Little Ballerina: Miss Jane, I heard that Mr. Degas was making little sculptures of us and he said that he would manufacture them and sell millions at the toy stores and the outlet malls. . . but you laughed and said that his idea would never work!!

Miss Jane: Grown folks business Barbie. I know for a fact that little girls everywhere would hate them and collectors would never go for the idea! Now, where's your mother sweetie? Ma Tel you better come get this little girl!!

Marie Fox . . .

2008-03-17T07:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,
Usually we talk and we both agree that the world should revolve around me. Usually we say that I am the prettiest most bestest artist in the whole world. After all - I’M THE ONE who accidentally tripped and twirled and invented ‘the ballet’ - I’M THE ONE who fell and rolled around on a wet painting trying to get up and invented ‘the abstract’ - I’M THE ONE who screamed and held one note for thirty minutes when I saw a mouse and invented ‘the opera’. When Leonardo DiCaprio was painting the Mona Lisa I’M THE ONE who said ‘the smile’s too big dude - bring it down a notch!’ So in true ‘jane’ fashion - I will only admit this to you Dear Diary - that MARIE FOX is a magnificent painter - and everyone should check her out!!http://www.mariefoxpaintingaday.blogspot.com/

Order in the court . . .will the real Degas please stand up

2008-03-16T10:42:00.001-07:00

Mr. Pacino: Mr. Degas isn’t it true that you took lessons from Miss Jane and that she taught YOU everything you know and that you took HER paintings and put your name on them and you took YOUR paintings and put her name on those? Mr. Degas: What?
Mr. Pacino: Mr. Degas you are out of order!
Mr. Degas: I'M out of order - YOU'RE out of order - the whole sequence of events is out of order!
First I took MY name off of my paintings and put them on HER paintings then I took HER name off of her paintings and put them on MY paintings.
Mr. Pacino: Huh?
Why did you do it Mr. Degas? Why did you steal her paintings?
Mr. Degas: I told Miss Jane to get with it - it’s the 1890's - people will love beautiful ballerina paintings and she just laughed and said that impressionism would never work. . .the verdict: all profits and proceeds from the sale of all 'Degas' paintings from the 1800's until today should immediately be sent to Miss Jane. 8x10 oil on canvas panel 'little ballerinas' $100 plus shipping and handling or best offer.

Will you accept this rose . . .

2008-03-16T08:21:00.000-07:00

Dear Miss Jane, I heard that you were the most beautiful woman in the world. . . that your beauty was rare beyond compare. Why, when you pass by - clocks stop. Time stands still. Your beauty is why the sun must rest at night and why it don’t rain when their ain’t no clouds in the sky. Yes, your beauty inspires the tech of the technicians, the portraits of the artists, and the prose of the poets. . .they say ‘Your eyes are the violet of blueberries blue, your lips a red of strawberry hue, your skin smooth as caramel whipped in sweet butter, your hair shines like the hair of no other’. Please Miss Jane. . .you’ve captured my breath . . . let me breathe again . . . Send me your portrait! Please let me look upon such rare beauty. Sincerely, Avery Mann Wantsme
(from Miss Jane: You'll have to stand in line - but here's my portrait.)

From the Poet's Society . . .

2008-03-15T12:35:00.000-07:00

'I never knew what one could do
with little dabs of paint -
who mixes them together -
like a child with no restraint -
I always thought that one could take
the delicate pinks and greens -
and with a woman’s wisdom
paint beauty never seen!
It baffles the mind’s sweet mysteries -
in our sanity dare we trust -
why anyone would give Miss Jane a canvas, turps and brush?'
This 9x12 oil on canvas panel is $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping and handling or best offer. You may email me or leave me a message in the comment box. Thank you.

Into The Matrix . . .

2008-03-12T12:36:00.000-07:00

Morpheus: Miss Jane I have two pills in my hand - one red - and the other one blue. If you take the blue pill you will continue to live in a dream world and think that you have a future as an artist. If you take the red pill you will see things as they really are. The bad news is that everyone in the phone book named Smith will hate you and keep calling you on the phone. The good news is that you get to 'kick it' with Neo and only shop where they sell stylin’ black boots, trendy black t’s and bangin' black coats. No, I can NOT give you a hint. The decision must be yours and yours alone. Miss Jane which one will you choose? Please stay tuned . . .

From Smallville . . .

2008-03-12T08:23:00.000-07:00

Lana: Clark why don’t you use your abilities. Clark: One look at those paintings and I lost my abilities. They are more powerful than kryptonite. Lana: Should we talk to Lex? Clark: Why should we talk to Lex - he doesn’t have any abilities. Lana: What about Chloe - didn’t the writers of the show give HER some abilities? Clark: Yes, but does anyone out there even understand her abilities? I think we need another plot twist - we need to give Lionel or Lois or Jimmy or whoever plays the next editor of the Daily Planet some abilities. Lana: What about your best friend? You know - the brotha? Maybe they can give the brotha some abilities! Please stay tuned . . .
Out Of This World Apple Abstract 5x7 oil on canvas panel $100.00 or best offer

In a little coffe shop in Liverpool 1959 . . .

2008-03-11T10:20:00.000-07:00

1959 smartest talent agent in the world: "So you see Miss Jane, we take these four British guys and since you do paintings of bugs we’ll call them - o let’s see - ‘the beetles’. We’ll bring them to America - see - and we’ll let them show your paintings. We’ll let one shake his long hair and play the drums while the other three play guitars and shake their long hair. We’ll have them point to your artwork and sing ‘We love them yeah, yeah, yeah!’ ‘ We love them yeah, yeah, yeah!’ ‘We love them yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah . . .!’"
Cute Miss Jane 1959: "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!" "You’re kidding me right?" "This idea will never work!" "The hair, the name . . .young girls everywhere will hate it!" "Clive! Who is this clown?" "Get him out of here!!"
Ladybug 5x7 oil on canvas panel. $100.00 or best offer!

On A Very Serious Note

2008-03-01T05:29:00.000-08:00

Dear Dr. Finklestein what is one of the keys to happiness? Sincerely, Jane

Dear Jane:
Giving is a key to finding true joy in life. This enables us to focus on the needs of others rather than on our own inadequacies. When we help others and see their appreciative response, we feel better about ourselves.
Jane, by generously giving of ourselves, we will experience the truthfulness of the Proverb that says: "The one freely watering others will himself also be freely watered."
Love, hugs and kisses to you,
Your Podiatrist,
Dr. T.O.E. Finklestein

'We've' Got The Power

2008-02-26T18:24:00.000-08:00

Dear Miss Jane,
Although you have doubled and tripled the payments of your electric bill, we here at The WDC (We Don’t Care) Power Company must maintain the blackout of service in your area. Service is no longer being provided to area 51 because the number of individuals seen running and screaming ‘my eyes, my eyes’ after viewing your artwork has decreased exponentially. That being the case Miss Jane, until further notice, we at the WDC have determined that we will continue to collect your money while maintaining the total lack of any and all electrical service to you. If you have any further questions we have an 800 number playing music from the 1600's where no one will ever answer the phone because WDC. Please call 2-800-55555-55555-55555. Thank you. The Power Company

Jane announces world tour - world moves!

2008-02-26T16:32:00.000-08:00

A Message From Jane
As you can see from my recent posts, I have become a little less pessimistic and have begun to have a little fun. I really should be flattered that what started as a petition - not to buy my art - has now become a world wide movement. That’s why I am announcing a world tour where I will visit every country in the world like Dallas, Arkansas, Las Vegas, and New York. I will look under every rock and peek behind every tree. I will seek the counsel of today’s artists who are on the same level as Monet, Degas, Renior and of course Van Gogh. I will wait until they have just sat down to eat a delicious meal or are totally exhausted from selling THEIR paintings. Catching them off guard I will ask them this one burning question. ‘Why won’t anyone buy my art?’ I have already begun to write everything down in a book. Volume I is entitled Just Plain ‘Jane’ - WHY WON’T ANYONE BUY MY ART? Volume II is entitled Just Plain ‘Jane’ - WHY WON’T ANYONE BUY MY BOOK? If you think that you would like to buy a copy please email me. Thank you. Jane

"Who ARE You?"

2008-02-26T13:54:00.000-08:00

He walked over to the canvas where I was painting and with a raspy voice almost like a whisper he said ‘You know, if you mix blue and yellow together you get green. And if you mix red and blue together you get violet. If you follow these simple tips maybe people won’t think your paintings are so awful.’ ‘Wow!’ I said amazed. ‘How do you know so much?’ ‘I just know things.’ he said. And with that he turned to go back out of the same window he came in. I was really diggin' the whole cape, mask with pointy ears and boots thing - because I also like to wear basic black. ‘Just who ARE you?’ I asked. And with that he threw a disintegration tablet at my painting. As both he and the painting disappeared into the night air he said in that raspy voice 'I’m Batman’.

8x10 Beach Scene oil on canvas panel $100.00 or best offer

Et Tu Ma ma'?

2008-02-26T11:25:00.000-08:00

Please Return To Sender
Dear 'Little' Jane,
How many times do I have to tell you that as long as you keep sending these paintings to my house, no one named 'Mommy', 'Big Ma' or 'Big Miss Jane' lives at this address. How many times do I have to tell you that I am tired of the barking and having to put food and water in the dog bowl and sit it in the backyard because your father, Mr. Jane, refuses to come in the house ‘until I remove those paintings’. So I am returning this package to you because I have moved and there is NO FORWARDING ADDRESS. Love, hugs and kisses to you sweet pea signed, New Occupant

This 5x7 abstract 'apples and waterdrops' is $100.00 or best offer

From the CDC: 10 Reasons You Should Buy My Artwork

2008-02-26T05:09:00.000-08:00

The CDC - Center of Disease Control did a study and published these 10 reasons you should buy my artwork:
1. vermin and insects seen fleeing from homes where artwork is placed
2. couch potatoes motivated to go for long, long walks - resulting in the loss of 10-20 pounds where artwork is placed
3. unattractive mates look more and more attractive while standing next to artwork where artwork is placed
4. did I mention that vermin and insects seen fleeing from homes where artwork is placed?
5. people unemployed for decades because ‘their ain’t no jobs’ go out and FIND jobs where artwork is placed
6. grown children who won’t move out because they are ‘trying to find themselves’ suddenly 'find themselves' and move out where artwork is placed
7. mean ‘know it all' in-laws admit ‘you really DO know what is best my love’ and cut their visit short where artwork is placed
8. again, did I mention that vermin and insects are seen fleeing from homes where artwork is placed?
9. crime decreases in the entire city and outlying suburbs where artwork is placed
and finally,
10. ONLY 'true' friends will continue to visit your home where artwork is placed

From A 'Real' Prince? - For thy brain to enter here you must read what came before -

2008-02-25T13:33:00.000-08:00

My Dearest Jane,
At one time thou were the fairest in the land,
with paint of brush in thine delicate hand,
and tho’ thou named them ‘doom’ and ‘gloom’ -
and ‘murk of turp’ was in thine spoon -
for sure I thought thee told a lie -
that ‘ideas on thine canvas die’ -
and now I must have change of heart -
and from thee now I must depart -
I remove these items from my shopping cart
now that mine eyes have seen thine art!
Sincerely Prince Charming

Ballerina Tying Her Hair 5x7 oil on canvas panel $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping and handling or best offer

Actual Art Supplies - Won't You Give?

2008-02-25T09:26:00.000-08:00

As you can see from my paintings I am sincerely trying to be an artist. If everyone who reads this blog gave JUST ONE DOLLAR I would have 5 to 7 dollars. If you got together and each gave .50 I would have 2.50 to 3 almost 4 dollars. If you suspect that I may be doing something else with this kind of money other than buying art supplies (vacations or eating out at restaurants) you can contact me and say that you would rather donate the actual supplies. Thank you, Jane

#9 At The Auditions For American Idol

2008-02-25T02:48:00.000-08:00

Randy: Dude, this is just awful dude. Just awful!
Paula: Well at least you got some paint ON the canvas. Good job!
Simon: For once I'm absolutely the most speechless I've ever been. Randy are you going to buy any of her artwork?
Randy: Sorry dude it’s a ‘no’ for me. Paula?
Paula: Sorry sweetie, I’m afraid I’m going to have to pass too.
Simon: It's three no's. Off you go! Security!!
Peach! 5x7 oil on canvas panel. $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping and handling or best offer.

#8 Transcript From The Dr. Phil Show

2008-02-24T16:21:00.000-08:00

Dr. Phil: Jane, I have seen your artwork and quite frankly I agree with you 100 percent. In this case you ARE paranoid and yes, they ARE out to get you. As you know I’m an old country boy and I don’t like to mince words. I like to put some barbeque sauce on it and tell it like it 'T-I-S . . . tis' and quite frankly I think your work stinks - I think that you are deluded (begins pounding his fist) and personally responsible for much of the unhappiness in the homes of those who have your artwork hangin’ on their walls! (audience applauds) There is a facility that Robin and I both think that you need to go to. It’s in Dallas, Texas and people are here to take you there immediately. . . (producer gestures from backstage) . . . Uh, actually there is no facility . . . but there are people here who would like for you to GO immediately. (audience stands and applauds) Will you go? Will you just GO?
5x7 oil on canvas panel 'ballerina with blue bow' $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping and handling or best offer.

#7 Letter and Paintings opened, shredded and marked 'return to sender'

2008-02-24T14:17:00.000-08:00

Dear Miss Jane,
Once again we have received your request and viewed your paintings. And quite frankly we find the whole thing a bit disturbing. So #1. NO we will NOT put you on speed dial so that everyone’s ONE PHONE CALL will automatically be directed to you. #2. NO you can NOT drive a police car with the sirens on so that you can quickly get to potential customers. #3. NO we will NOT arrest anyone who refuses to ‘close the deal’ and take one of your paintings home with them. Miss Jane, as this is your 100th letter we sincerely invite you never to write to us about this matter again. Now, if you have a REAL EMERGENCY Miss Jane, please continuously dial this number 5555-5555-5555555. Sincerely, THE POLICE
This is the one that got away. Much more charming in person. 5x7 oil on canvas panel "Ballerina Slipper" $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping or best offer.

#6 Sorry Ms. Winfrey - Letter opened, shredded and marked 'return to sender'

2008-02-24T12:07:00.000-08:00

Dear Ochre Winfrey,

I really admire what you have been doing with that little talk show of yours. I know that I told you that it would never work but - my bad. I have been trying to sell my artwork for as long as your show has been on the air. Maybe one day just a little of your success will rub off on me. In the meantime Ochre, do you think that you could put some money together with some of your ‘highfalutin’ friends and buy one of my paintings?

Sincerely, Jane

This 5x7 oil on canvas panel entitled 'still life with ballerina' is $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping and handling or best offer.

Painting #5 Letter From Vincent

2008-02-24T07:23:00.000-08:00

Dear Theo Van Gogh,
This is your brother Vincent Van Gogh. Why does everyone hate me? Why do they want to put me away when they see my paintings? And day after day - month after month - year after year - when they see me walking down the street in my yellow hat and purple suit why do they run away yelling and screaming?
And what’s up with you Theo? You suppose to be my brotha. You suppose to have my back. You know I ain’t got no money. You see me painting with sticks and twigs for paintbrushes. What’s up with that Theo? Anyway, I am enclosing this oil painting on canvas panel. It is 8x10 and the title is 'A Peaceful Landscape'. See if you can sell it for $100.00 or best offer. In the meantime you be cool Theo. I will write to you again soon. Love and hugs and kisses, your brother Vincent Van Gogh

Before Painting #5 Part 2

2008-02-23T18:52:00.000-08:00

In looking at the maps I am now convinced that perhaps I have a hope and a prayer of one day selling a painting. One wonderful person got the ball rolling by donating $2.00 to the ‘Just Plain Jane’ fund. With that $2.00 of which I only get $1.65 (because paypal had to get their cut) with that $1.65 I will build my painting empire. I will prevail and rise to levels that you thought were impossible. With perseverance and tenacity I will see if I can persuade you to increase this fund until it reaches at least $5.00.
Thank you.

Now, dear friends, I am going to do something that many loving parents are very cautious about. I am going to introduce you to the kids. Don’t recoil in shock and frighten them and don’t let their appearance frighten you. Remember when I told you about my art supplies, my children, ‘doom and gloom’, ‘lette’s not’, ‘murky terpy’ and ‘canvas where good ideas go to die’ or ‘cwgigtd’ for short? Hush! As you can see, they are sleeping in the next post but starting tomorrow MAMA IT’S ON! Caution: sometimes the kids are cranky - so please don’t be discouraged if things don’t happen as quickly as you would like. Come back and check on us soon!

Actual Art Supplies - Won't You Give?

2008-02-23T18:50:00.000-08:00

Before Painting #5

2008-02-23T12:36:00.000-08:00

S E R I O U S L Y . . .
have you ever seen a 30x32 painting that SOLD for $15,000? (Jeff Legg on the left) I will sell you every painting I have ever painted in my LIFE for $14,999 (small sampling on the right)

Painting #4

2008-02-23T12:02:00.001-08:00

This 5x7 painting is entitled ‘Tomato and Abstract’. You know, in the manner of Van Gogh I only believe in using money to buy - in order of importance - art supplies, food, a little more than substandard shelter and now - I am being forced to add clothes to this list. I have one suit that someone bought me about four or five years ago. At that time people would say to me ‘I love your blue suit!’ Now, four or five years later the same people say to me ‘I love your purple suit!’ - even though it’s the same suit! You see my dilemma!
Tomato Abstract 5x7 oil on canvas panel $100.00 or best offer.

Before Painting #4 Part 8

2008-02-23T09:57:00.000-08:00

Please believe me - I truly appreciate the red dots that appeared on the map yesterday. This is very encouraging to me. It makes me want to continue to try to create paintings of beauty and integrity! That’s why I went to a well respected artist to ask her for some advice. She advised me to "paint what you know!’ She said ‘ Paint your life!’ Well, I think that this is excellent advice! So, since I spent a few days being health conscience (or conscious) I did an abstract painting similar to this one called ‘Oatmeal and Blueberries!’ and another one called ‘Antioxidants!’ And then there was 'Laxatives!' and 'Where's My High Blood Pressure Medication!' Somehow I don’t think that this is exactly what she had in mind. So back to the drawing board for now.

A moment of silence please . . .

2008-02-22T18:34:00.000-08:00

Crash and Burn: I don’t know if I will ever sell on ebay again. I just don't know. I have been a member since March 2002. I just received a statement from them saying that from 2002 until today I have made $132.85 and because of their new ebay fee system I OWE them $265.70. It was a good run but now I think it's over. Jane, Jane, Jane

Before Painting #4 Part 7

2008-02-22T15:04:00.001-08:00

Okay. I did receive some great momentum today. Some time ago I went to a site called ‘The Hot Link Zone’.

It is a link based search engine to the hottest deals, services and information. I posted my pictures on some of the great sites I discovered there.

At one site as you can see, over 4,000 people LOOKED at my pictures!

Of that 4,639 I got 3 positive comments and the rest said to. . .well let's just move on. . .

The Hot Link Zone informed me today that they support me 100%.

They gave me the honor of being the featured blog of the . . . http://www.thehotlinkzone.com/

Before Painting #4 Part 6

2008-02-22T13:40:00.000-08:00

Have you ever seen a 12x10 ballerina oil painting that sold for $5,800? (left by Vasili Bratanyuk) If you do not believe me please follow the link.

I am only asking for $5,799 for mine (on the right) - or best offer!

http://www.greenhousegallery.com/

Before Painting #4 Part 5

2008-02-22T12:25:00.001-08:00

So maybe you have asked yourself ‘What about her relatives?’ ‘Why don’t THEY buy her paintings?’ Well, I have one brother who blocks my emails, one sister who won’t answer the phone day or night when she sees my number on her caller ID, another sister who just keeps saying ‘who?... who?... who?’ when I say ‘this is Jane.’
I do have one sister though, who actually sent me a dollar deposit for this painting "Ballerina Tying Her Bow". But, for the past 6 months, whenever I call her to ask her for her new address so that I can mail it to her, she always says that she will give it to me ‘tomorrow’.

Before Painting #4 Part 4

2008-02-22T11:45:00.000-08:00

Just a little side note: You may wonder ‘why am I numbering the paintings?’ Well, in a way, I have confidence that this blog will be about ‘the birth of an artist.’ Remember, the question is: ‘How many paintings will I post before someone, somewhere buys one?’ That number - that person - will be historic - for one moment time will stop - there will be a collective sigh of relief - and then everyone everywhere will ask themselves this one question: "aren’t there more important things for us to think about?" I will keep you ‘posted’. Meanwhile, this is the painting that is currently being rejected by everyone on ebay, etsy, yessy, artist rising and imagekind. Okay - message received. Very Jane Moment
Ballerina Toe Shoe $100.00 or best offer.

Before Painting #4 Part 3

2008-02-22T10:10:00.000-08:00

Okay, does anyone else besides me name their art supplies? I paint with two brushes. One I call ‘doom’ and the other one I call ‘gloom’. My canvas is where ‘good ideas go to die’. My Pa-'lette' is called 'lett's not' and my turpentine is called ‘murky the terminator - the pure color killer’. These are some sketches that I did on canvas panel and quite frankly I’m a little afraid to paint them and mess them up. Don’t worry I will have many paintings available for your amusement. I would also like to thank the person from Spain who on this day became the first person to look at my blog showing that I am not alone. Jane has arrived!!

Before Painting #4 Part 2

2008-02-21T14:17:00.000-08:00

Well, okay, it’s not as if I have never ever sold a painting. I have sold a FEW on ebay. I have one on there now - WITH NO BIDS. I am 'very jane' about this! (I will let you know if it sells.)
That's why I decided to add a map to this site so that we can see together if anyone . . . ever . . . at any time. . . visits this site. By the way, how in the world do you get minus visitors on that ebay counter? -25, -50, -100? I will be checking this map to see if the countries will also start disappearing - where's Alaska and Hawaii?

Before Painting #4

2008-02-21T11:05:00.000-08:00

This is a true story. I used to be an art teacher. I taught a dentist, a pharmacist, a systems analyst, and others in the technology field (these are their finished masterpieces.) Until this day none of my former students will paint or go anywhere near a brush. One student moved rather than paint her apartment. Almost two years later, when I happened to see her at her office I asked her ‘have you painted anything lately’ and she said that she can only paint when she drinks wine and she vowed that she will never...ever...drink wine...again! If that wasn't a jane moment I don't know what is! More later . . .

Painting #3

2008-02-21T10:10:00.000-08:00

This painting is temporarily back in surgery.

This is a 9x12 painting I did a few days ago entitled 'A Peaceful Scene'. As you will see I have several themes that I like to paint - The Ballet, Art Patrons, Serene Ocean Scenes and Peaceful Mountain Scenes - because I want you to have peace. I feel a little 'jane' about this painting but it does not make me feel as 'jane' as my other works.

Believe it or not I actually sold a painting of a peaceful scene. I will post it.

I might put this painting on Ebay. I will keep you posted about that.

Painting #2

2008-02-20T13:58:00.000-08:00

You know, after looking at my paintings I often wondered why people would then turn and ‘look at me funny’. After several decades of meditation (not medication) I finally understood that look. It's like when people say to you ‘don’t quit your day job.’ Well people you should have just come out and said that! Now it's too late! I already quit my day job and that look doesn’t scare me! This painting is 5 x 7 and is part of my series entitled "The Painted Sketch". I would like $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping and handling or best offer.

Painting #1 The Prequel

2008-02-20T11:09:00.001-08:00

I am thinking about contacting some artists whose works I admire to see if they will either 'block me' or visit my blog and leave me a word of encouragement. Their works are very beautiful. I once met an artist who painted the most beautiful still life paintings I had ever seen. After 30 minutes of complementing her she asked me 'are you an artist too?' and I said 'not any more after seeing your beautiful works.' Here are some artists whose works are very beautiful and mine are 'very jane'. Go ahead - abandon me and visit the blogs of Karin Jurick and Eugene Wang.

Painting #1

2008-02-20T10:39:00.000-08:00

Okay! Here we go! Fasten your seatbelts it's going to be a bumpy ride! Here is my first painting that I just painted last night for this blog. It is 5x7 oil on canvas panel entitled "Ballerina with Pink TuTu". I was feeling very 'jane' about this painting. I thought isn't it amazing that many times individuals do not want to hear 'the truth?' But, as I looked at this painting I had to admit 'I'm not very good!' I thought perhaps this is not a bad thing to admit. It actually takes the pressure off of me to be 'very good' and just be me. This painting is actually much more charming in person. Stick with me - maybe the next painting will be better?? I would like $100.00 plus $10.00 shipping and handling or best offer.